Dont you dare expect something, so that you wont be disappointed in the end. Sometimes, being pessimistic can save you from the perils ahead.

Life is ironic wherever you look at it. People say dream big. Sky is the limit. If you were to have an ambition, dream of being the First above anything else. Dont be just the Second. Thats true. However, what will happen if you dont get what you dreamt of? Guess that kind of thinking only works to make our credit limits higher, not directly hitting the bull's eye. wapak!



Get busy with a hundred thousand things, not just one: at some point in your life, you will realize that the things you did before were not enough. Not enough in a sense that you could have other things that has more woorth. Thus, you are not seeing the Really Big Picture.

Always remember where you stood before you ended up where you are right now. Always remember those who loved you affectionately, what you routinely did every minute of the day, what sorts of shits you were interested in... for there will be some point in you life that you will be blinded by a  really really really thick mist that will brainwash you and erase everything, every you asset you had before.

This is not a letter of hate or regret. This is a realization letter. There are things in the future and even in present that will not turn out the way you expect them to be. Sometimes it's better, sometimes, it's worse. However, always remember, everything in this world is subjective. The way you see things and the way you value things depend on what your mood is, depend on what u are facing right now, depend on what you have been through.

Right now, there can only be two implications for the way things turned out to be. Better =  we are lucky to live life to the fullest. Worse = we are lucky for we have more room to grow because it takes two mature people to fall in love.

INSECURITIES

I hate this.

Know why?

Many things are ringing in my head in the moment.

One, I hate that I have low self esteem when I see other girls who are so girlfriend material for my man. They are good in cooking. They have such nice hair. Such soft skin. I hate that i belittle myself.

Two, I hate that I possess this sickness because of me and because my man is not that affectionate through words ( the one that maybe, sort of, what I expect my man should be!)

I know. I know. Different relationships have diff ways of showing affection and even showing their presence. I hate myself because before, this was my thinking. I kept saying that we have our OWN UNIQUE ways. BUt right now, why am I looking for something? I SOOO hate myself right now.

Just now we argued about me having a fat swollen really messy face. At first I just asked him if he will still like me despite having a SHREK GOLDFISH JOHNNY BRAVO JOLLIBEE FACE. he said... SERYOSO?.. Then he blurted out that he can bid his friendship with the girl goodbye to have me. WHy the hell would I ask him this if he can leave his bestfriend, a valuable one, for me.

I have two issues in mind. One is that, Im just making lambing and just trying if my man would be like...SHEMPRE NAMAN HINDI AKO PHYSICAL MAGMAHAL, WALA AKONG PAKELAM CHUCHUCHU.... Because that is one quality he really doesnt have. FLOWERY LAMBING WORDS HE DIDNT POSSESS. Those things he didnt possess are what I think will boost me more up like Kryptonite.

The second issue I have is that, why the hell would she takl about that girl AGAIN. Everytime he talks about it, I feel like she is so valuable to him SANA NAGING SILA NLANG. However, I think of myself as a KONTRABIDA MANINIRA NG FRIENDSHIP INTRUDER PA. I didnt mean for it to be like that. I just got envy and two times jealous that time but I did not think that he would do that. DAMN. Why is so hard to swallow the fact that he really loves me despite whatever?

My instincts say that I feel this way (insecure na baka mababaw lang na feel nia para sakin, na after lang sia sa physical, na EWAN, PARANOID NA KO KUNG PARANOIDD) because he doesnt SHOW me how VALUABLE I AM TO HIM the WAY I imagine it to be.

BUllshit. I hate this warfare we always have.

I hate that I love him s much but I get insecure frequently. I hate that I, more or else, dont tangibly see him love me the way I desired it to be.

I hate that IM so understanding to him that I even allow myself to go to him all the time and that his efforts to me seem to be no longer necessary.

I told him to visit me while Im ill, but Im too understanding to let him pass due to constraints that there might be insufficient funds and that it's too far from him. SHIT I hate it that Joseph's get to show up in our house more frequently tthan he can. I hate that I kept on understanding him that HE COULDNT.

I hate that we have diff perspectives and way of making DESKARTE. DAMN. If I am a guy. Maybe, ill make sure my girl gets every bit of my affection hormones secretes. I will LOVE others the way I imagined my man to love me.

I hate the fact  that I sOOOOO understant him that I push him to do his thesis. I feel like its my very taskk. Because no one. NO ONE. will ever dot it other than me. HIS parents are soOO kind that I feel like they wont scold him at all. And  they all think HE is SSTUBBORN.

I know this may be SHALLOW for some person. May be shallow because youve undergone everything there IS to be undergone. HOWEVER, these are my insights of what there is in me right now. I hope there is a pill for this.

I SOOOO LOVE HIM. but I couldnt fix myself at all.

BACON CHEESE PASTA

BACON CHEESE PASTA

Ingredients:

200g Penne pasta

Purefoods Maple Bacon

1 clove garlic

1 clove onion

1 bowl grated cheddar cheese

grated parmesan

Sm Flour

Carnation Evap

30g Butter

Steps:

Pre heat oven, 180degC

Boil Penne on water with salt till al dente

Fry bacon (dont burn it like I did)

Saute onion and garlic then add the cooked bacon

Melt butter on saucepan then add flour. after 2 mins, gradually add carnation evap. Later add grated cheddar cheese. Put out heat after it melts.

Mix the sauce, the penne and the sauted onion garlic and bacon then put in pre-heat oven (20 mins).

Serve hot.

AFTERMATH:

BOREDOM KILLS!!

haio...

not so much things to do..the whole day, I slept, dishes, nap, eat, watch and watch and watch..the other day, I also did the same thing.. SUmmer is really boring this time..I passed a resume to a firm but never updated it and called them. boredom and laziness arrives inside me.haha

well i think its been a year since I watched and read Naruto again. I can say that I am officially a TAONG BAHAY!! before the class ended, I promised myself to do everything to make my summer worth it but I think its not even working. Kamille and kovey were also bored. I even listed it but then I am not doing anything yet. my summer is a ruin.wahhhhhhh...

right now I am using many appliances. tv, fan, im also charging the laptop. I did the dishes so no complaints.haha. my sister and my brother are sleeping already. I guess thats one thing I hate doing when I know Im in a vacation, sleeping early when you can watch tv and enjoy the night.haha..

when my mom arrives tomorrow, I want to learn how to drive, then I will frame the plates, go grocery, buy marker and try to absorb all the things inside my books so its worth it. I wanna go tto Church also tomorrow..its been weeks..

gotta go now. at least Ive updated this thing already.yah?

I Arrive from Paete!!

Today is not such a happy day. Yesterday was happier!

Yesterday we went to Paete and came back today. We wet to Caliraya and took plenty of pictures. really plenty. The pictures are still not with me. Dont have a copy yet. All are in the card which is being charged right now.

Atmosphere is not pretty much clear now. I dont want to speak much. I dont wanna spoil the BIG vacation anyway. Paete vacation was so unforgettable. Though we only spent one night and two days in the province, I think it was one of the best. Inah and Monique and Ariel and Ate Iris is there. The girls were complete but there was one thing that was bugging me: Kovey. [He's at my back now saying words that defend himself 'I will pinch you..he says']

Anyway, truth is, I really understand why he is really like that.He is in the stage where he is at his most malambing part. I want him that way because I know that if he grows up, he wont lambing anymore like that so Im OKAy with that. But REALLY. There are times that he has to give me time to bond with my cousins.

Anyway, [why am I always using that word] why does the Christmas vacation have to have to many CARGO?!?!?!??!!?

The Candaba, UNIV HOA DESIGN wont let me REST!!!Give me break and TIME to bond with my COUSINS MANNNnnn!!

Later mannn!!

bye!!

Family Celebrates Xmas Eve

Christmas eve was a very nice and unforgettable experience! Right now I have just waken up from a six hour sleep.

Last night, we sang the Wondergirls and the Climb. We also played Pinoy Henyo. We were so loud. Kuya Kyle was also supposed to be there but he has a party at papa's place. I wish he can really join us on the 26th.

Last night was really a blast yeah!! I was really happy that time though we are not that complete..anyways, I did my best and gave my full energy last night that is why I stood up until 3am..hehe..harhar!!

Inah and Ate Irish were very nice. There was a big mistake that happened last night. I will not elaborate on that anymore but it was really unintentional .. but it can be easily solved anyway. Inah and Ate Irish were the ones who became the light of the party.. [before something burns up!hehe]

Anyway, I was also the accomplice to that game they played. I was the one who led the prayer. At first, no one wanted to do that. Everyone they call refused. But of course, since I cant resist ruining the party in any form I can, I prayed fro the sake of everyone.

We played hep-hep-hooray [that was hard to type.. with the dash dash in it..haha] Its was fun at start and to the end..ahhaha..Kazu was also there. Seldom do I see him. He is very big now. I suddenly remembered something about him.

It was nice that we are almost complete last night!

I wish these kinds of celebrations would not have an end. We can watch the videos after a number of years and laugh at it haha..And check how embarrassing it is to make videos that have loud voices, weird actions..

Weelll..vacation's not over yet..more blogging later..ciao!

talking to myself ehhh??!?!!?blalbak!!

Well..I didnt really watch it just now but I still remember the details of the movie. I thought, at first, I was gonna regret it because its only for children but then I now know why my cousins and my tito want it and like it. the lead guy is cute also. they say I look like an avatar. Do I really look like one? I dont think so. though I am tall and thin, I dont really see the resemblance. anyway, back to the vacation documentary..

Oh my!! this is also the part where I think I'm loosing my english. I am the kind of person who laughs at someone who spitts out bad grammar [but not obviously..haha] but here I am saying things that are really really wrong..haha..sometimes even the spelling.

Anyway, this is the first time, after I think six months I wrote something in my blog. I guess I dont really have the luxury of time to write here and my gosh...Did u see my blog? the title and the words that welcome you when u open the blog?
It's so last year. thing changed already..People change.haha.its so yesterday.

well right now, I am listening to The Way You make me feel by Micheal Jackson [ryt spelling?]
anyway. I have this classmate who really likes him to the point that he influence me as well. I like moonwalk!!

So Absurd!! I was just talking about me being not behind anymore, so last year blabla..but then Im talking about M.J.

Later, since its Xmas eve, we will go to Inah's place and have the christmas of our life.

[how do you call the act where someone talks to herself alone? I look weird. that is what I am doing right now]

Yesterday was Greenhills night and I cannot forget that. I fed my Balikbayan cousin Ariel a Siopao or Siew Pao in front of the place, the change cange there and after a few minutes she felt bad and eventually vomitted. I feel like I was the one who's in a charge and it was my fault.harhar..I didnt know it wasnt clean men!!
Iwanna put everything behind now. anyway she has a new phone. Good for her..AND take note its Touch Sreennnnn!!!

Just this morning, Kuya Kyle went here at Palmera. It was so nice to see him again. he gave us bundles of cash, But I didnt really care about that. He wont be able to join us christmas eve later but he can join us at Paete at the 26th.

[oh I just remembered : my groupmates are gonna meet for candaba competition and make the concept board on 27th. Cant come eh..I have family business at Paete eh]..

anyway